In Other Words
by Taste the Doom
Summary: Ever pictured the Kingdom Hearts characters in the roles of characters in other series? ...No? Well, do it now! In other words, read this. Seventh Chapter: Full Metal Heartsemist.
1. Demyx Potter and the Philosopher's what?

**Disclaimer:** Senselessness is the heart of fanfiction -- I mean, Kingdom Hearts doesn't belong to us. Harry Potter doesn't belong to us. This _computer _doesn't belong to us, but, shh about that...

**A/N:** Are you really asking "What _is _this?" We've said enough of that ourselves. We just thought it would be fun to write a crazy KH parody which involves lots of other series too! HP, Twilight, Prince of Tennis... that kind of thing. If there is any chance of anyone reading this and liking it and somehow wanting more, please give us your suggestions about future chapters... in a **review**, of course... ;)

* * *

Organization XIII as written by...

J. K. Rowling

Demyx was so excited! The red steam train, the owls, the cats, the slightly odd smell emanating from the locked carriage - he was going to Hogwarts! He was a _wizard_!

And so were a about a million other people, it seemed. All the compartments on the Hogwarts Express were full... what on earth was he to do? He didn't want to make this journey alone.

Just then, Demyx heard a shout behind him. "ROXAS?! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU GONE?"

Demyx stared at the shouting boy in shock. He had already changed into his Hogwarts robes, and his hat... appeared to be on _fire_.

"Um... mate?" he said reluctantly, not really wanting to get involved. This guy was still shouting about Roxas, whoever that was, and the fire appeared to be spreading very quickly. But, the flaming-haired boy did not seem to care, and Demyx was more frightened than anything. Perhaps he should hide? He'd always liked small spaces, and the toilets were just nearby...

Yep. The boy was coming this way, and there was only one thing to do. Demyx bravely grabbed the toilet door's handle and wrenched it open. Not a moment too soon, either, because the boy now seemed to have realised that his entire body was in flames, and was rushing forward in a panic.

Demyx squeezed into the toilet cubicle, relieved that he had escaped. But why was it so small in here? Surely there should be more room in a toilet.

"Aghrr!" came a muffled sound from underneath him, and Demyx jumped up, surprised.

"Aghrr!" he screamed.

"Shush!" shushed the no longer muffled speaker, a boy about Demyx's age. "I'm h-hiding."

"Oh." Demyx understood that. "Sorry."

Dimly, there came the noise of the fire being put out, and a bossy voice rising over the chaos, "Oh, for heaven's sake!" it said. "If you're going to burn, then burn quietly, or you'll get all of us _expelled _before we even get to Hogwarts!" The voice continued ranting, gradually getting further away, and the two hiders looked at each other fearfully.

"I used to live in a cupboard under the stairs, same sort of size as this toilet," Demyx said conversationally. "I never had to share it before, except with the spiders..."

"M-my gran puts me in one sometimes... but Axel always rescues me..." his toilet-buddy replied shyly. "If you can _call _it rescuing..."

"Axel?"

"Oh, he's that boy outside who was looking for me..." There was a pause. "I-I'm Roxas Longbottom, by the way. W-what's your n-name?"

It seemed this boy was very shy, which suited Demyx fine. It was nice to see that he wasn't the only one a little nervous about all these new things.

"Demyx Potter."

Roxas' eyes widened. "_You're _Demyx Potter?"

* * *

The Sorting. What every wizard currently in the Hogwarts' Great Hall knew about. It just so happened that this bunch of first years only knew that they were in it - not what they needed to _do_.

"I heard there's a keyblade!" some random brunette with BIG feet babbled.

"I heard there's this giant monster that tries to kidnap people!" a small, red-haired girl chattered irritatingly.

"Well, _I _heard there's-"

"_I_ heard there's a shut the hell up!" a curiously white-haired boy yelled.

"But -- but it was about a hat which actually does the sorting and there's like singing and it looks into your head and _cool _stuff!" the interrupted first year protested.

"Yeah, like_ that_'d ever happen," the white-haired kid snorted.

At the end of the line, Demyx and Roxas stared at them. Why couldn't they just wait?!

* * *

"Professor Dumbledore, Professor Dumbledore! I heard there's a Philosopher's Stone at this school!"

"Nonsense my boy. Are you even a student here? I don't remember you at all."

"Um... perhaps you just forgot... eh, Al?"

"Yeah, nii-chan. He forgot."

"Well, why aren't you in class?"

"It was... cancelled, eh, Al?"

"Yeah, nii-chan. Cancelled."

"Well, off you go boys, anyway. I'm off to check if the Philosopher's Stone has been stolen."

"But, you said there wasn't even one her--"

"So YOU'RE Demyx Potter?"

"What?"

THE END.


	2. The Lord of the Cheap Imitation Key

**Disclaimer type thing**: A giant bird fluttered down from the sky, screaming "Kingdom Hearts and Lord of the Rings don't belong to us!", for that is what it has screamed ever since. And we don't own that _Watership Down_ reference either, but shhh about that...

Thank you to the wonderful **TheEternalAlchemistoO** for reviewing. Go you!~

**Introductory Whatchamallit**: So apparently we can't stay focused enough when we're around each other to effectively parody the Lord of the Rings. Oh, well. So a few of your brain cells will spontaneously combust? Oh, well. Enjoy anyway, and please review. We've got several chapters written but we'd welcome suggestions for what you'd like to see blended. If we know the fandom, we'll probably be able to destroy i... write something for you. ^_^

* * *

Organization XIII as written by...

someone who most definitely isn't J. R. R. Tolkein

"Destroy it, Sora! Destroy the Key!"

Flames whipped about the them as they stood on the precarious clifftop, overlooking the fiery lava of Mt Doom.

A scenic place. Charming locals.

"Riku... I don't think I can do it!"

"Oh my God," said the lone girl that was with them. "We came _all this way _ON FOOT, and you're saying you _can't_ do it?"

"Pretty much," he mumbled absent-mindedly as he slumped down on the edge of the cliff, playing with his key. "Shinnnyyyyy..."

"Err... Kairi..." said Riku, with a playful flick of his white hair, "should we just _go_?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so," agreed Kairi with a playful flick of her hair too. And they linked arms and skipped off into the soon-to-be destroyed sunset. "I hear Sauron's holding a party in RIVENDELL, BABY!"

* * *

_One month earlier_.

"And my sitar," said Demyx dramatically, much to Axel's chagrin.

"I offered my chakrams first..." he muttered petulantly.

"Yeah, because chakrams of fire will do _great _against a lake of molten LAVA," replied Demyx, who notoriously didn't get along with Axel.

"...Haven't you ever heard of the phrase 'fighting fire with fire'?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the phrase shut the hell up?" (The last part was said in Elvish. Hahaha?)

"Oh my Gooooddddd," muttered Xenmas, face-palming for lack of a desk. (Bloody budget cuts...)

"You're telling me," said Sora, brandishing the free key he got from a generic McDonalds Unhappy Meal.

"LET US COME!" screamed Kairi and Riku in unison as they rushed into the meeting.

"Joy," groaned Roxas to Aragorn, who was wondering what kind of drugs they'd been serving at Sauron's party to make him see THIS.

* * *

_One month EVEN earlier_

"So you're telling me I've got to travel across an entire continent, facing every kind of danger in existence, going without proper food or my custom-made shoes JUST so I can throw a key into a molten lake of freakin' lava which I could possibly fall into and die, anyway?"

"Yes," said Namine, stroking her white beard knowledgeably.

* * *

_In the end_

Everything was destroyed. Except people with no hearts, who were quite welcome at Sauran's party. Rockin' out.

Aragorn: wtf.

THE END.


	3. Darkness Tennis Link Plz

**Disclaime**r: There is this _cow _that _keeps_ mooing. And this guy in my iTunes library trying and failing to teach me German. We're not sure, but we _think_ they're saying: I think the first word says enough. But, just in case, _shhh_ about this...

**Thankies to**: TribalForEagle, Darkmekmon and Toraudewa for reviewing, favouriting and alerting (we loooovee you!), and to rpwehp12 for alerting. You rock! ^_^ Thanks for your suggestions, too. We're hoping to write some soon but for now we have three more chapters to put up after this. A preview of the next one can be found at the end.

**A/N**: Yoooo! Wassup? We were watching _Prince of Tennis_, and... wait, why am I bothering to try and make you think we had a particular reason for writing this? Beyond boredom. BB. Haha. (Accidental parodies FTW!)

Hope you enjoy, and if you've got any more suggestions or comments, you know where to put them.~

* * *

Organization XIII as written by...

Takeshi Konomi

(_annoying but catchy theme music plays_)

Kairi: Rokusaaaa-su-saaammmmaa

EVERYONE ELSE: SHUT UP! You're not even supposed to be here yet!

* * *

"Axel, how many times do I have to tell you?" growled oba-chan, giving him an electric shock. "_Don't. Burn. The. Ball_."

"But I wanted to make my shot into a commmeeeettt," whined Axel, scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"This is Hearts of Tennis!" snapped back Larxene. "If the shot is cool enough, anything is possible."

The whole team: Anything is posssiibbbllleeee...

"RUN 20 MILLION LAPS!"

"Yes, Larxene..."

* * *

"So we have this important match..." said SaiX stoically.

"We _always_ have an important match!" complained Lex-his-face. [Sorry, Lex-kun. We'll try and include you more. And get your name right as well. Some time. Maybe.]

"ROXASSSSSS!" screamed Axel as he ran towards them. "Ganbatteeeeeeee!" he squealed, randomly breaking into Japanese as all Japanese people are wont to do [?].

"Axel!" said SaiX, again very stoically. "Since you're somehow a regular, you have no right to fangirl over another regular."

"Why?" protested Axel, who couldn't stay in character if his life depended on it. "The Golden Pair do it all the time."

"We do not!" shouted Cloud and Squ-er, Leon from their place on a nearby loveseat... of ANGST.

"Look at me I'm a snake!" sang Demyx as he streaked across the screen, equally unable to stay in character.

"This is going to be a loonngggg session," groaned SaiX, massaging his forehead.

"Yeah," said Fuji, who cannot be replaced by any character ever, "but isn't this just the usual? Hearts of Tennis episodes are always dragged out as much as possible, after all..."

Demyx stopped for a second, hissing. "Why just last week we had this exact same conversation... only you were a girl at the time. How do you _do _that?"

Fuji (ignoring the question): why are you streaking?

"It's my new training programme that Ansem laid out for me. And in this series, we'll do anything if someone markets it to us as 'training'," explained Demyx before running away, laughing shrilly. "Lololololol!"

"Screw it, just do your best. You'll win anyway, like you always do..." said SaiX... stoically.

* * *

"I have two years of tenneese experience!" boasted the boy with the big feet, stroking his monobrow knowledgeably.

"So..." said the one who looked like a spoon, who also cannot be replaced ever purely because he has NO PERSONALITY OR NAME, "are we actually going to play any tennis this episode?"

"It's 'tenneesuuuupe', and no, of course not," said Sora, holding his racket the wrong way round... wait, is that even a racket? "The rest of the chapter will be dedicated to fangirling over Roxas."

There was a silence.

"Uh... Kairi? Are you here?"

Axel ran past, stowing away his chakrams and screaming "ROXASSS!"

Kairi did not come after him.

*ominous silence*

* * *

"Roxas," said Riku suddenly as they sat among millions of empty Ponta cans, "isn't it a bit weird that you're the main character... yet you haven't appeared at all this chapter?"

There was ANOTHER ominous silence.

"...Roxas?" cried Riku angstily.

"...Oh god he's passed out! I shouldn't have let him drink this much!"

THE END.

* * *

**A/N**: Enjoy? Reviewz plz. :)

Next Chapter Super Special Awesome Preview

_"What... the hell... is this?"_

_"Glitter," said Stephanie Meyer cheerfully._


	4. Fashionable Heartless yeah, no

Disclaimer: We just realised that, techically, this isn't just 'Organization XIII' stuff. But, _shh_ about that... Oh. And not ours.

Thanks to: **Flightfoot** and **Darkmekmon** for reviewing. But especially to Darkmekmon, our first repeat reviewer. Thanks, you rock!

Warnings: Excessive sparkling that may cause bad headaches, excessive angsting that WILL cause headaches, Twishite bashing and a published author using smilies. One of these days, we're sure she'll slip up and her fanfic origins will be revealed...

Stephanie Meyer: I once wrote under the pseudonym Tara Gillesbie.

Yep. We're just waiting for the day.

A/N: We don't mean to cause offence to Twilight lovers. We like Twilight, too. TOWN, that is.

* * *

Organization XIII as written by...

Stephanie Meyer ^_^

"What... the hell... is _this_?"

"Glitter," said Stephanie Meyer cheerfully.

* * *

"Cloud, I have to leave, I can't st- wait... what?" said Squ-er, Leon, examining his script with confusion.

"Uh... nice to meet you too?" said fem!Cloud (who is very good at cross-dressing anyway) as they sat down for the science lesson of this semester, "The Heart and its Importance in the Body".

"Yeah... I think we might need to take that from the top..."

"One question: are Heartless really sparkly?" asked Fuji, randomly re-appearing.

"Didhsda... bebbe... GO AWAY."

* * *

The World that Never Was was a dreary place. It always rained, was always very miserable... and even though she had spent much of her [?] childhood there, Cloud Swan really hated it... it was dark like her soul.

And Miss Swan liked to be the darkest one of the crowd.

Hahahaha.

"Oh why does my dad have to be the head of a secret organisation? Why did I have to move here, where I'll find true love, be incredibly popular... it's just terrible!"

"CLOUD! WE LOVE YOU!" said the entire rest of the cast, except for Axel who was still in the previous chapter, looking for Roxas.

"No one _loves _me... boo hoo..."

"I DO!" screamed Leon, but he was restrained by his rather strange family who were all mysterious and interesting and most importantly beautiful.

Yay plot device.

"Don't go near the Cullens."

"I _will..._"

"No srysly, my family and theirs have been fueding for centuries," growled Sephiroth wolfishly.

Cloud did not notice as Sephiroth was a childhood friend and didn't sparkle in the sunlight.

* * *

"Why are you in my room?"

"I like to watch you sleep..."

"I'VE LOVED YOU FOREVER."

Squealing fangirls: This is SO realistic. Squeal!

* * *

_Previously_

"Are you _sure_ you don't want to write a second draft, Miss Meyer?" asked an editorial-type-Nobody.

"No, not at all. It took half an hour to write - I figure that's long enough. ^_^"

* * *

_After a million piggy backs_

"It's too dangerous, Cloud," said Leon imploringly as he gazed into her beautiful gorgeous brimming eyes. yay.

"Uh, you do remember that you just took me through an incredibly dangerous piggy-back ride through the woods after introducing me to your sparkly family who want to consume my heart and lead me to eternal darkness, don't you?"

"Yeah... but..."

"Let's lie in the leaves and make leave angels... of ANGST... because we're so in love and we have souls of darkness and will be together forever if you just turn me into a heartless already!" sang Bella happily/darkily/romantically/emotionlessly. yay.

(Spot the continuity error!)

"No, it's too dangerous!" repeated Leon, who wanted to drag this out for as long as possible.

"But earlier if I'd been a heartless I wouldn't have needed you to save me from that car... I'd have been able to save myself..."

Millions of Twilight fans laughed.

Leon sighed dreamily. "But don't you see? It's TERRIBLE! You live forever, not ageing and remaining beautiful for eternity, to stay amazingly rich and have wonderful adventures all the time, and have everyone you love around you. Don't you see how horrible it would be? And the brooding! Even _you _can't imagine!"

"I _love _brooding. And that sounds wonderful!"

"Yes, but do you love deer?"

"...Huh?"

THE END.

(If only.)

* * *

A/N: We're sorry to say that this will be the last chapter for some time - we're on hiatus. If we ever continue it, expect something 'round December time.

So, goodbye for now guys! We hope you enjoyed this chapter, and remember that the review button sparkles in a GOOD way. The more you use it, the prettier it becomes... ;)


	5. It's Murder at the Yaoi Convention

Disclaimer: We don't own Christmas.

Thank you to **Darkmekmon** and **natcat5** for reviewing. You rock!

A/N: Oh, did we mess up the disclaimer? I don't think we mentioned not owning Kingdom Hearts or Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro... but shh about that...

MERRY CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Treat this as a Christmas present & reminder that it ain't over until

* * *

Organization XIII as written by...

Matsui Yuusei

"I smell a Roxas..." muttered Axel as he stood on the side of a lamppost.

"LINE!" quacked the director, Donald.

"Mystery. _Mystery_," said Axel, doing a tap dance on the lamppost because he could.

"RECAST!" quacked Donald, because this was like take 127 and he was sick and tired of it.

* * *

"I smell a heart..." muttered Xenmas from his imposing place on the tallest lamppost in the street; he was overlooking his kingdom, just how he liked it. "It is down here," he said, smelling the air before phasing through the wall of the opposite house.

Namine was innocently sitting in her room and drawing err... _interpretive _pictures (*cough*yaoi*cough*) when a man suddenly phased through the wall.

"Artistic license!" she screamed in defence, attempting to hide her sketchpad.

"For the last time," said Xenmas monotonously, "Saix and I are _not _like that... most of the t-"

"I think we're getting a little off track here!" shouted Donald. "Re-take!"

* * *

"So basically," said Namine as she was dragged along by the imposing man in the black suit, "we're going to a place where someone is about to die... in order to figure out how it was done..."

"Yes," said the strange man with a large grin.

"Couldn't we... y'know... _prevent _the death?"

"It's in a yaoi convention and I can get us in for free."

"I'M IN."

* * *

"Evil Awesome," said Xenmas imposingly, and Xion came out of a plot hole to collect evidence.

"Where have you been, Xion?" said Fuji conversationally.

"Oh, you know. Here and there," she said with a shrug. "I was busy, y'know? Full schedule and all that. Lots of toast to butter and whatnot."

"NOMNOMNOM YAOI!" said Namine as she happily skipped around the doujinshi section wearing her cat ears. "Oh and the culprit is... you..."

"Namine that's a lamp!" called Donald. "Re-take."

* * *

"So, Namine-chan? We seem to keep bumping into each other lately, no?" asked Riku blandly over the very dead body.

"Well he's definitely dead, Senpai!" called his partner Sora (in work damn you!) happily. "And I don't mean slightly dead... I mean _real _dead."

"I told you not to _touch _anything!" sighed Riku with barely contained frustration (at Sora's stupidity damn you!).

"The culprit is... YOU!" said Namine, pointing at her reflection (pocky = high = _bad_ investigation).

Xenmas face-palmed. "_Why _did I bother to come to earth again?"

* * *

_Five hours later_

"Guys... are we done with this scene yet?" groaned the very dead body from his stiff position on the ground. His blond hair was ruffled sexily and his sky blue eyes were shut tight wit- AXEL STOP TAKING THE KEYBOARD.

THE END.


	6. Keyblade War: Untold Stories

Disclaimer: Koei don't own the

letter 'k'

the cheese in HER fridge

the what.

But they do own the adaptation of Romance of the Three Kingdoms we know as Dynasty Warriors. Apparantly I have hayfever and have no idea what I'm doing. But it was Ayaka who gave th typing ob to me. SSH or somthing. [typos non-deliberate FYI.]

Thank you so so much Darkmekmon for always reviewing. :')

A/N: Back for the summer. Ayaka ust do the typing if you're so much netter at it.

* * *

Organization XIII as written by...

Koei

"So now to the battle of Chibi," said Xenmas solemny.

"Chi Bi, Milord," whispered his advisor, Marluxia. Having heard them, Sora snorted, clearly doubting the potential powers of his alliance with the Nobodies.

Xenmas coughed. "Yes, Marluxia, I _know_ that. So, the Battle of Chibi. Our proposed strategy is -"

"FIRE ATTACK!"

Sora rolled his eyes. "Now how did I know _that_ was coming?"

"This fire attack shall confuse the enemy troops!" cackled Guess Who, twirling his chakrams round in anticipation.

Everyone else just sighed and looked desolately out at their combined fleet, wondering if Demyx was having as much trouble with this as they were...

* * *

Xion strolled casually through Demyx's mighty fleet, dressed in full pirate regalia (and _beard_!) for the occasion.

"Sooo... you _chained_ your ships together?" she asked Demyx, who was staring out at the water pensievely - still naked from a previous chapter, but penseive.

"Why, yes!" chirped Demyx, who was wearing a dress as he did in part of volume 1 of _Romance of the Three Heartless_. "Doesn't it look pretty?" (Spot the continuity error!)

"You are more and more like a Chinese David Bowie every day my love, especially with that American accent. But why did you chain your ships together?"

"Oh, I'm sure it'll work out..."

* * *

_In another battle..._

"Okay, girls! That's the signal! The bell has been rung!" cheered Kairi exuberantly; next to her, Sun Shang Xiang was muttering to herself,

"Who says a woman has to be weak? There's something wrong... with my weapon..."

"Get your pom poms out and open that gate! We've gotta cheer these boys in!"

Namine peeked her head out from her sharp-edged sketch book. "Are you _sure_ we should open it in the middle of a _battle_?" she asked scathingly.

Kairi rolled her eyes, equally scathing. "Didn't you hear the signal? They just rang the bell! They can't be the enemy!"

"Uh... yeah... I guess?"

"And this is why women should never go to war," muttered a nearby Koei executive before calling up his colleagues and instructing them to scrap loads of female characters for the next game.

* * *

"Now, who to choose as a bodyguard?" pondered Nobody-in-particular. "There's always Sexyon, Vixen or Mansex... dammit, why isn't Xion offered as a bodyguard? Well, I guess she'd be better than the player character..."

A sudden voice in Nobody-in-particular's mind shouted, "LIN FEI IS MINE, BITCH!"

(In jokes are _cool_. KNOCK THEM OVER WITH YOUR HORSE WHILE I BREAK LOADS OF STUFF, AYAKA!")

And that's exactly what happened.

THE END.


	7. Mint Chocolate Chip

Disclaimer: Ominous wind... (awesome) background music... the slightly odd smell emanating from the unlocked carriage... we don't own 'em. Meehhhhheeehehh. We also don't own Full Metal Alchemist, Full Metal Panic, or, indeed, anything full metal, but, ssshh about that...

Thanks so much to Bond Of Flame08 and Darkmekmon (heart) for reviewing, and to Bond Of Flame08 and The Spirit Realm for the alerts also. :)

Collaborative A/N: Feeling uncreative? All we can hear is A Very Potter Musical. Having writers block? '...' -still listening- Then you aren't alone. What? So am I. AWESOME~~

Suggestions pls? These are all the chapters we've written noooowwww!

* * *

Organization VIII (?) as written by...

Hiromu Arakawa (wikipedia being an entirely trustworthy source there.. we hope.

No that wasn't the full name. I mean that would just be a long name, wouldn't it?

Not very Japanese, either.

Wouldn't fit on a business card.)

TAKE TWO.

Organization VIII (this is still wrong - Ed.) as written by...

Hiromu Arakawa

* * *

"I am the cursed farmer!"

"It's _armour_, Lex-his-face... _amour_." [Spot the spelling mistake!]

"So YOU'RE Demyx Potter?"

"One year after the ice cream van didn't stock our favourite flavour... we burned our house down," muttered Zexion as per his voice!over role.

"Er... And-there-was-that-small-matter-of-how-we-tried-to-bring-back-our-dead-mother-resulting-in-a-terrible-accident-where-i-lost-my-heart-and-my-brother-lost-his-entire-body-in-a-sea-of-blood-and-cookies-thus-creating-a-monster-who-later-starred-in-a-hit-manga-by-naoki-urasawa-and-that-really-is-what-happened."

The hammer in Xion's hand dropped to the floor. "What."

* * *

_Just after the incident..._

"Damn ice cream van... and-the-small-matter-of-our-dead-mother-and-forbidden-rituals."

"You know I still have no idea what you're saying," said Xion, though she didn't really seem to care. "BTW, your fully automated metal heart is now installed... as for Al... I gave him a fluffy hat and matching scarf to make him seem more approachable."

Sadly, Al quietly sat in the corner, writing a sad little message that said, "Not a girl" on it.

"Heeeeyy, you promised me _I _would be Al!" shouted Lex-his-face. "And that you would get my name right..."

* * *

_Some time later..._

"No, Alllll...lex, you shouldn't be a state heartless too. They'll give you weird names... Just look at my watch!"

Zexion passed the watch to Allll...lex, who read what was written on it:

Halto Alchemiss Metal Furu Paniku?¿

"Oh, I see. I really _shouldn't_ become a state heartless, then..."

* * *

_Some time later..._

"I wanted you to catch that train!" shouted the Flame Alchemist down the phoooonne. "I was too busy spreading fire everywhere and destroying the city to kill some terrorists - er, I mean, doing-totally-important-stuff-goodbye."

After he had hung up the phoooonne, the Flame Alchemist bent down to retrieve the small puppy lying contentedly by his desk. He picked it up and grinned widely. "I love burning dogs!"

Aqua quickly whisked away the dog before disappearing because we didn't know much about her when we wrote this. [/excuse.]

* * *

_Are you sick of this timeline?_

"So how _did_ you manage to create a fully working fully automated fully awesome metal heart and insert it into someone before they died, without them noticing?"

Xion just shrugged and went back to solving world hunger or whatever she does on her days off.

* * *

_The plot... sort of._

Namine slumped in the corner of her kitchen, terrified beyond belief. Who _were_ these people? They had just appeared out of nowhere... but they were coming for her, that she was sure of.

Why was this war tearing Disney World apart? Who had started it? Who was behind it all? And when would her boyfriend get back from shopping for keyrings?

The answer lies in a building someplace. [What do you mean, Ayaka? How is that not imaginative and detailed? I put in some SoraxNamine for you... sort of. Be happy, girl! NO! Stop poking me! OW! You poked me right where I had my injection! Ow-oww...]

So the answer lies in a small apartment with some people [?] debating something or other inside of it. But these people were not human. And this was no ordinary debate...

Reason stood tall and imposing over their clandestine [hah!] meeting. He was holding Peace's sitar away from Peace, who was trying to grab it back.

"NO, Peace, you cannot solve wars!" Reason snapped. "We're trying to START a war, remember? And until you do, you can't have your sitar back."

"Make love, not war!" shouted Love, throwing hearts and other people's keyrings everywhere.

"Make both at onnncee is fun!" shouted Artistic Licence.

Needless to say, the meeting didn't really get anywhere.

And Namine was safe for now... until the het fans got hold of her sketch pad, anyway.

* * *

_And back to rubbish_.

"Sensei would kill us if she found out that we hadn't used our training to find the right flavour of ice cream... and-if-she-found-out-about-the-small-matter-of-how-we-tried-to-resurrect-our-dead-mother-which-is-what-she-told-us-to-never-ever-do-well-not-our-mother-specifically-that'd-be-a-weird-coincidence-but-the-principle-was-the-same-right-right-she'd-kill-us."

The Halto Alchemiss Metal Furu Paniku?¿ and Allll...lex both shuddered at the memory of their crazy sensei, Larxene.

"She'd also kill me if she found out I had such a ridiculous name," sighed Zexion.

"It _is_ pretty ridiculous," said Larxene from behind them, before proceeding to beat them senseless and then treat them to ice cream outside the cemetery.

Which was STILL the wrong flavour.

* * *

_Afterwards..._

"Do you think we'll ever find the van, Alll...lex?"

"I thought we were looking for the Philosopher's Stone so we could get our original bodies back... y'know, kind of important?"

"Ah, what? One of your stories again? We were born this way! These _are_ our original bodies! I've always had a metal heart, and you've always been a stuffed giraffe. It's why dad left. He couldn't handle it.

"No, we're definitely looking for the van," insisted Zexion.

"So let's go, Alll...lex!" he continued before his brother could say anything more. "Right after Xion fixes us up, okay?"

* * *

_But Xion is an excellent multi-tasker, so while she is fixing them, she is also looking through their possessions.. as any good friend does... right, Ayaka? And it was _one_ time._

"Never forget," read Xion curiously. "Mint chocolate chip."

THE END.


End file.
